It’s starting again.

I see the first signs of Christmas and feel the shadows creep over my heart.

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” the song reminds me.

But it doesn’t feel wonderful to me. As soon as the carols begin to pump through the speakers and everything in the stores turns red and green, I involuntarily brace for the season ahead. I feel guilty admitting this, but my first thought is that I just want it to be over.

I haven’t always felt like this. Christmas used to be so special and fun when Mom was alive. The excitement she had was contagious, and her smile lit up the room as she handed out each heartfelt gift. The grandkids got their most thoughtful present last–a handwritten poem written about each one. We miss her so much.

Grief is especially tough at Christmas. So is being sick, out of work, in debt, in pain, addicted, fighting, or separated from loved ones. Everything hard seems extra hard at this time of the year. The pressure is on to feel the happiness that seems expected to magically arrive the day after Halloween.

My memories drift back to the Christmas Eve service at our church which began every year with the words: “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light…”

I can still hear our pastor’s booming voice proclaiming the news. Even though I didn’t really understand what he meant, it sounded exciting. Decorated trees and houses, candles in the windows, angels appearing and wise men following the star…the lights were shining bright in my little world.

I guess I didn’t realize then we all were included in that group. We were all walking in great darkness, and we are all the people who the light is dawning on. Jesus came into the dark world more than 2,000 years ago, and he still meets us in our darkness today.

In him was life, and that life was the light of men. That light shines in the darkness, and yet the darkness did not overcome it. John 1:4-5 CSB

Every Christmas we have reasons to celebrate, to gather and give, to experience feelings of gratefulness and deep joy for the gift of God’s only Son. But even in the times when we don’t “feel” especially happy or excited, when our hearts are broken and our world feels dark; we can look for his light.

Because of the first Christmas, the Light of the World is always here–

guiding us through his word, shining through his people, and warming our hearts with his comforting presence.

The darkness cannot overcome it.

From Lighthearted 100-Day Devotional: 100 Promises to Lighten Your Load and Lift Up Your Heart, B & H Publishers, 2024.